Toxic Relationship Residue

As we continue to examine the living thoughts we have collected through the years, we can see that the torn and tattered remnants of negative relationships still linger in the shadows. Be these spousal, community or workplace relationships, does not matter. If they were toxic they have left their mark. There are people that will come and go throughout our lives much like chapters in a book. It is important to validate each of them and accept them for who they are and what they meant to you. Some of the characters, in the pages of your life story, may have been unsavory.

I have a few of those characters in my life that I would rather forget. Revisiting these negative experiences holds the energy and brings it to life. Just by opening up these living thoughts we are actively awakening negative energy. This unfavorable energy attracts more of the same. It can bring damaging effects such as: insomnia, headaches, irritability, mood-swings, lack of concentration just to mention a few.

As you look at your life today, examine the current chapter and see if you are keeping the residue of toxic relationships alive. If you have moved on from a disturbing lifetime experience yet still feel yourself hurting, then it is time to LET IT GO! How can you do this? By using your ability to switch off all memories regarding these harmful thought remnants that are holding you back. You are actually being held captive by your own mind. Take responsibility of what thoughts are allowed in and guard your beautiful space. You may try to convince yourself saying, “Oh, but that was years ago, I’m way past all of that.” This is all well and good, however your subconscious still brings it forward every now and again causing you to feel “less” about yourself. You are actually fanning the flames of negativity every time you revisit it.

I have lived with violence experiencing both physical and verbal abuse. It took me years to extract myself from this. Meditation helped me to release the energy that kept this self-loathing very raw. I would pick at the wounds of my heart like a scab keeping it bleeding. This did nothing to help overcome the pain and did everything to bring me poor health. Years ago I had the privilege of working as a volunteer with battered women. I watched the abused victims return to their toxic environments again and again. Many seemed like tethered boats tied securely to the dock unable to sail freely toward open peaceful waters. It was their thoughts that held them there. Thoughts like: “I have no money, my children need both parents living together, it’s not as bad as I think it is.” One of these victims said this looking at me through two black eyes holding a small infant that had suffered a broken arm in an angry burst of violence. She was in denial of the danger she was living in and she was allowing her child to remain in this horrific lifestyle.

Toxic relationships will continue to bring you disharmony until you truly see them for what they are. They are serving you absolutely no good and they are events that are now in the PAST (or for some are bringing them continued harm.)

As you proceed with your meditation, see these thoughts as negative energy being released with every exhale. Blow them away. Let them leave your peaceful, beautiful self and allow them to truly exit now and forever. Poof- gone.

This applies to all relationships in your life. Employment, neighbors, relatives, church, school, clubs, organizations and spousal relationships all can harbor toxic energies. If you have lived through a phase of disharmony regarding thoughts, words or deeds you need to release this energy. See it for what it is and move your thoughts to a more positive environment. Positive attracts positive – move in this direction fully accepting only thoughts for your highest good.

As you continue to release this through meditation, any negative thoughts that have been lurking in the shadows will be brought to your attention. You can now validate them and LET THEM GO. If you are engaged in a toxic relationship it will become clear to you that the path you are treading will need you to make a conscious choice – Do you want to continue with this or is time to move toward inner peace. Only you know what is best for you.

Allowing your inner voice to help you rise above the negative input will help you to make better decisions. Meditation enables you to tune out all thoughts and quiets your emotions. Your choices are made calmly with integrity. Will meditation solve all toxic relationships? Of course not, but it can help lead you down the path of self-love.

Loving yourself attunes your attention to your true value and self-worth. You are a beautiful person who has a right to live in peace. Meditation helps you to discover all the wonderful things about YOU. Your eyes will be open to new opportunities and exciting possibilities. Your heart begins to realize it can love and BE love to the world that so desperately needs this positive healing energy. This love begins with thought. Meditation brings thoughts of self-love that can help you proceed along your journey and navigate away from the residue of toxic relationships.

To learn how you can meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day

The Fabric of Death

The unexpected death of her husband has left my sister hanging on a thread. They were supposed to spend their 40th wedding anniversary together this past weekend, but sadly there will be no more celebrations of this kind. The grieving process although necessary feels as if I am watching her slowly fade away. She has tried counseling but feels so disconnected that she no longer attempts to share her pain. If you have ever been around someone like this, you can attest to the ache within your own heart as you watch helplessly knowing it's a personal journey. (To learn more about this tragedy please read.)

Last spring when this occurred I was compelled to move my office into her home and I lived with her for 6 weeks. It was during this endeavor when I saw first-hand how the body goes into shock and denial. She would wake each morning hoping it had all been a bad dream. She stopped eating or caring and her nurturing spirit turned towards her beloved pets. Now she fears they too will get sick and leave her alone with her thoughts.

It was during his funeral as she was searching through his belongings when the idea first struck me. I had meditated the night before he had passed and he had spoken to me. I asked him how I could help his wife and his reply came very clearly.

"Hold her. She is a strong woman that can do anything in this world, but she cannot hold herself."

As she was rummaging through his things looking for his policeman's badge I looked at all of his shirts with tiny golf emblems on them. As a retired police chief he had moved into his next profession as a caddy master at a local golf course. His closet told the story. Policeman's emblems embroidered on jackets to country club insignias adorning his shirts. These would make a beautiful quilt, I thought. She could take this quilt and wrap herself in him. He could hold her once more.

Pattie proudly displays her handiwork

And so I spoke with my other sister Pattie, the one born with a needle and thread in her hand, and asked if she would help. Susan and Pattie have never really been close and I wasn't really sure how this would turn out. They are both talented seamstresses. I held my breath hoping Susan would agree to this, after all we were cutting up his clothes. Susan was honored that Pattie would take the project on. I sat back knowing my role was the bridge that had come up with the idea and had put the two of them together.

Pattie had to work with whatever Susan gave her— ties, shirts, jackets and even his pajamas. She cut, measured and hand-sewed non-stop committing all of her spare time to this amazing feat.

Meanwhile I arranged to have a sister's weekend in my home. All three came to spend some relaxing time in sunny Florida... this event happened to fall on the non-celebrated 40th wedding anniversary.  Susan needed us and all four sisters gathered to support her. There were tears and laughter and healing as we blended together and supported one another.

I had forgotten about the quilt as I knew it would take Pattie until springtime to finish it. But I was wrong. As Susan sat limp with emotions and tried her best to smile through her pain, Pattie handed her a package. Susan opened it with trembling hands and cried tears of joy. The quilt is a masterpiece and with it comes healing. Healing for a woman that is grieving for her husband, healing for two sisters that have never really connected. The fabric is woven from memories that will embrace our sister Susan and help bring some comfort to her broken heart. I felt myself overcome as well as I remembered when the idea was first given to me...did Lee help plan this? Was he whispering to me that day?

The next morning my youngest sister Dotsi did a meditation at dawn.
"I was doing my meditation,"  she said, "and seeing lovely colors and I was waiting for what the images would become when a stupid song kept playing. It was a Bee Gee's song and it really was bothering me as it kept interrupting my meditation."
"What was the song?" I asked.
"Something about emotions," she replied.
And so I did a quick search on the web and found the lyrics Dotsi had heard being sung as she was sharing a bed near our sleeping sister Susan.
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight
Goodnight

It now holds her every night.

Meditation is a wondrous thing to experience. I am now encouraging my grieving sister to try again. She had stopped as she feared being alone with her sorrow. I believe meditation has given me a clear channel to be able to act upon inspiring thoughts coming to me from my Higher-Self. I believe it gave Susan the ability to be held once more.
To learn how you can use meditation to enrich your life please read How to Begin.

Raising Your Vibration Through Scent

Have you ever had a scent float across your path and find yourself startled by the wonderful memory it brought? A few days ago as I was doing my meditation a scent of Lilly of the Valley appeared. I immediately thought of my mother and my heart began to beat a little faster. Memories of her gardening came flooding back. I found myself watching images appear as if I was viewing my childhood home. Mom hanging wash, dad in his upholstery shop while my sisters and I stopped to admire the Lilly of the Valleys growing along the pathway.

I finished the meditation and felt a wave of love wash over me. For my mother – for my wonderful carefree days as young girl picking flowers, and for the flowers themselves. How magical that they contain a scent that makes me bubble up with love.

This aroma and the energy it brings actually raises your vibration. You are lifted into a beautiful space of love and appreciation for the wonders of this earth. Do you have a special scent that awakens something deep within you?

And so I took the next step and purchased a bottle of Lilly of the Valley essential oil. Placing it into water held by one of my mother's favorite vases made it feel even more intimate. It now sits beside me while I work. How lovely that we can all find this magic for ourselves.

Find the scent that raises your vibration and keep it near you if you can. It may be the smell of rain, go for a walk in it! It may be baked goods, visit a bakery! Whatever it is learn to connect to this wonderful energy of scent and allow yourselves to be carried to that space of peace that is waiting for you.
To learn how you can  meditate please read Meditation Mojo.

A Holiday in Mourning

"But this wasn't how it was supposed to be...he wasn't supposed to die."
"Yes, but he was very sick."
"But how will we go on without him?"
"I'm not sure I don't have the answers."
"But we thought we had forever."
"You still have a future."
"I don't want this one- I don't want this day."
"What do you want?"
"I want him back."
"What would you say to him?"
"So many things... how much I loved him, LOVE him, what sharing a life with him meant to me."
"Do you tell him this now?"
"Yes." Tears falling reaching for a tissue. "I do but he doesn't answer back."
"Can you still feel his presence?"
"Yes, but I don't know how to go one- he's so close but I can't touch him."
"And your family and loved ones that are still here?"
"They can't help me- they are grieving themselves- we are all a mess...and Christmas is coming."
"Yes, it is."
"I can't begin to think how I will be able to celebrate this ever again."
"Maybe you can take a break from holidays- maybe have an Un-Holiday this year."
"And do what?"
"Maybe volunteer to help others- maybe visit a shut-in, work in a shelter. Give."
"But my heart is broken."
"I know."
"I don't know how to do this."
"No one does."
"He loved Christmas so much."
"Did he?"
"Yes, he just loved all of us so much."
"He still does."
"Yes." More tears, more tissues.
"It's a new day. A new road before you. I can't walk it for you, but I will hold your hand and be there when you need me."
"Thanks, this means a lot."
"Keep talking to him and take time to meditate."
"I'm afraid of being alone with my thoughts."
"Then stop thinking and turn it off and sit in silence."
"I saw a hawk. Remember how we saw a hawk during his memorial service? One lone hawk circling low?"
"Yes."
"Every time I see a hawk I think of him- as if it's somehow spiritually connected."
"How does this make you feel?"
"As if he is somehow communicating- but I'm not sure what it's trying to tell me."
"But how do you feel when you see the hawk?"
Blessed."
"Then meditate on this and embrace this blessing."

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day. While she was cooking beside her children I took the dogs for a walk. A lone hawk slowly circled directly over her home. I stopped and looked up and was reminded of this spiritual connection.

We all need to look up and embrace life and the loved ones that are still living and breathing beside us. Yes life here on earth is short- but we are blessed abundantly by the connection with the world around us. Look up and feel this blessing. If you know of someone who is grieving please take the time to validate their pain- BE LOVE and be a blessing to others.

To learn how you can meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day