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Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Alone Following a Break-Up 2

Troubled waters
continued from Alone Following a Break-up
Learning to overcome things that kept me from wanting to explore my "alone-ness" took months. I had to learn the technique of "mind-shift" in order to move my thoughts from the captive state of  "flight or fight" to trust and believe. Meditation helped connect me to the invisible guardians watching over… allowing me to feel safe and protected.

It was hard to move through this transition of loving myself more and appreciating the alone time. I had avoided caring for myself for many years as I kept busy with the needs of others. Insomnia had kept me hidden behind my books and sleep deprivation dulled my brain. I was ignoring my inner-voice  and doing a damn good job of it.  I was miserable, why would I want to keep company with ME? My thoughts were certainly not positive, they were more like self-pity. I didn't show this persona to the world, and most thought I was a happy being. It was only when I was alone with my thoughts that my facade would crumble. And that is where I would have remained if I hadn't learned to look within.

Abundant opportunities
When you try to move forward after a break-up often you feel it might all be better if you could return again to the relationship, or maybe find a new object for your affections. But by taking this alone time and quieting the negative thoughts I was able to find the me that had been buried beneath despair. It had been so long since I had tuned into me. What was I passionate about? What made my heart sing? What caused distress and worry? What brought me fits of laughter or silent tears? What were my favorite foods, songs or hobbies – I really had not taken the time to examine any of this.  Meditation began to strip away the thoughts I had allowed to creep in like poison ivy that were strangling my beautiful self. My inner-voice allowed me to find the creativity that had been stifled, the voice that was trapped as a lump in my throat and the forced smile now spread more naturally as I dried my eyes.

This pathway is mine, but the story may be similar to yours. You may walk this road with others by your side or choose to go it alone. One is not better then the other and tuning into your own heart's desire will allow you to feel which road is best for you. I now treasure my silence and honor this wonderful journey.

My relationship with my family and friends is far richer for discovering this me that was hidden.

To learn more how you can find your inner-voice please read How to Begin.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Toxic Relationship Residue

As we continue to examine the living thoughts we have collected through the years, we can see that the torn and tattered remnants of negative relationships still linger in the shadows. Be these spousal, community or workplace relationships, does not matter. If they were toxic they have left their mark. There are people that will come and go throughout our lives much like chapters in a book. It is important to validate each of them and accept them for who they are and what they meant to you. Some of the characters, in the pages of your life story, may have been unsavory.

I have a few of those characters in my life that I would rather forget. Revisiting these negative experiences holds the energy and brings it to life. Just by opening up these living thoughts we are actively awakening negative energy. This unfavorable energy attracts more of the same. It can bring damaging effects such as: insomnia, headaches, irritability, mood-swings, lack of concentration just to mention a few.

As you look at your life today, examine the current chapter and see if you are keeping the residue of toxic relationships alive. If you have moved on from a disturbing lifetime experience yet still feel yourself hurting, then it is time to LET IT GO! How can you do this? By using your ability to switch off all memories regarding these harmful thought remnants that are holding you back. You are actually being held captive by your own mind. Take responsibility of what thoughts are allowed in and guard your beautiful space. You may try to convince yourself saying, “Oh, but that was years ago, I’m way past all of that.” This is all well and good, however your subconscious still brings it forward every now and again causing you to feel “less” about yourself. You are actually fanning the flames of negativity every time you revisit it.

I have lived with violence experiencing both physical and verbal abuse. It took me years to extract myself from this. Meditation helped me to release the energy that kept this self-loathing very raw. I would pick at the wounds of my heart like a scab keeping it bleeding. This did nothing to help overcome the pain and did everything to bring me poor health. Years ago I had the privilege of working as a volunteer with battered women. I watched the abused victims return to their toxic environments again and again. Many seemed like tethered boats tied securely to the dock unable to sail freely toward open peaceful waters. It was their thoughts that held them there. Thoughts like: “I have no money, my children need both parents living together, it’s not as bad as I think it is.” One of these victims said this looking at me through two black eyes holding a small infant that had suffered a broken arm in an angry burst of violence. She was in denial of the danger she was living in and she was allowing her child to remain in this horrific lifestyle.

Toxic relationships will continue to bring you disharmony until you truly see them for what they are. They are serving you absolutely no good and they are events that are now in the PAST (or for some are bringing them continued harm.)

As you proceed with your meditation, see these thoughts as negative energy being released with every exhale. Blow them away. Let them leave your peaceful, beautiful self and allow them to truly exit now and forever. Poof- gone.

This applies to all relationships in your life. Employment, neighbors, relatives, church, school, clubs, organizations and spousal relationships all can harbor toxic energies. If you have lived through a phase of disharmony regarding thoughts, words or deeds you need to release this energy. See it for what it is and move your thoughts to a more positive environment. Positive attracts positive – move in this direction fully accepting only thoughts for your highest good.

As you continue to release this through meditation, any negative thoughts that have been lurking in the shadows will be brought to your attention. You can now validate them and LET THEM GO. If you are engaged in a toxic relationship it will become clear to you that the path you are treading will need you to make a conscious choice – Do you want to continue with this or is time to move toward inner peace. Only you know what is best for you.

Allowing your inner voice to help you rise above the negative input will help you to make better decisions. Meditation enables you to tune out all thoughts and quiets your emotions. Your choices are made calmly with integrity. Will meditation solve all toxic relationships? Of course not, but it can help lead you down the path of self-love.

Loving yourself attunes your attention to your true value and self-worth. You are a beautiful person who has a right to live in peace. Meditation helps you to discover all the wonderful things about YOU. Your eyes will be open to new opportunities and exciting possibilities. Your heart begins to realize it can love and BE love to the world that so desperately needs this positive healing energy. This love begins with thought. Meditation brings thoughts of self-love that can help you proceed along your journey and navigate away from the residue of toxic relationships.


To learn how you can meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day