So it's your birthday...big deal

I found myself waking one morning to a frantic phone call from my sister. Her husband had stopped breathing during his sleep and she performed CPR and alerted 911. Her heroic efforts helped give him only 2 weeks to live as he was placed on life support and finally passed only 8 days ago.

I am blessed to have a very stable loving relationship and I was able to purchase a 1-way ticket to fly to be by her side. I watched the doctors grim faces as they updated her daily with reports of his decline until he passed. He crossed over at home with his family and loving dogs by his side.

My spouse has packed up our office and belongings and we have decided to stay with her for the time being. I do not know the length of this stay...I only know that I am needed. As children we dreamed of owning horses and I find myself on a 13 acre farm with horses that need feeding, brushing and stalls that need cleaning. Back home (in the Florida Keys) we travel often on business and I am unable to own a pet dog (I so desire)...and I now find myself surrounded by a mixed dachshund-terrier named Molly and a black lab named Ace that are hurting as their beloved master has passed. We now take long walks together and my steps keep time to their wagging tails.

So many lessons I am learning daily. To understand that I live surrounded by love with a mate who is confident and SOLID in himself allows me to just flow freely. How beautiful and how natural this all feels to me. To be able to cut through the pettiness of daily mundane BS putting aside unnecessary stress to be of use to a fellow human...be it my sister or a neighbor is so rewarding.

There are many holidays, reunions, graduations, birthdays and celebrations - but there is only ONE that trumps them all...death. (And yes, I know his Spirit is all around and I feel his presence, but her pain is raw.) I am starting to see that people take these celebrations with so much focus that they feel hurt if we do not acknowledge or make a fuss... if we do not share in their delight. When you are surrounded by a grieving loved one you realize that celebrations come and go but that the physical existence of THIS day is precious. Yes, we can rejoice with others and send cards and smile, but when you know someone is grieving learn to not take it personal if they cannot raise a toast. We must take stock- give love, embrace love, BE love everyday. This is what I want to breathe in daily.

Meditation has given me this insight. To learn how you can meditate without any CD's or guides for FREE please read How to Begin

Death and Dandelions

My sister's husband of 39 years is dying of a rare cancer of the blood. My profession as a designer allows me to work anywhere my mac is. And so I am by her side now for the duration. She owns 13 acres with a stable filled with horses. Her husband is 62 and he was once a man that was a chief of police commanding a team... now he no longer can lift his head and will pass very soon. He was diagnosed only 2 months ago. Sad? Yes, but not an uncommon story. Cancer does not care about age, career or goals.

I know I cannot heal him and my sister is numb. Sometimes when death approaches you do whatever you can do to lighten a load. And so I picked up a pitchfork and shoveled manure and when the horses were cleaned and fed I rested.

Anyone can help a family member or a friend... you just need to look around. The hospice team will care for him as he continues to grow weaker and I will remind my sister to eat and to breathe and to just take each day as it comes. And while I am here I will weed a garden. A garden that Lee loved to work in and I know this will bring a smile.

Lee is sedated but I know his spirit is very aware and so I will continue to send him love and surround him with care and compassion for his beloved pets and his best friend...my sister whom I will rock to sleep in my arms for now. Sometimes healing appears in the strangest ways. Look around at the people you know who are hurting and find your garden to weed.

Smiling Through Broken Glass

I used to think that my life was nothing more than shattered dreams.  I was never able to quite win the approval of my parents. My teachers shook their heads disapprovingly as they marked my grades in red ink. And I always wished I was born into a family that was little less lean in the wallet. Being born into a pack of 8 kids you learned quickly to take whatever was offered and to be thankful. 

When I was very young I learned I had the unique talent to create art. I was fascinated to discover I could actually earn a living by doing something that came so natural. I had no formal training but it didn't stop me from trying. I even made it all the way to NY where a big company Newman Marcus wanted to purchase some of my art for their children's wear. Wow, and I was this nobody painting on children's clothing out of my garage. And then something happened that would change my life forever. My art representative stole my portfolio containing all of my original work and sold it, passing it off as her own!

It was like a meteor crashed into my world. I had been moving in a direction that seemed so perfect and BAM I was knocked flat on my back. I had a few options available to me. Take her to court and submerge myself in legal bills and a swamp of negativity, wallow in self pity and numb myself with drugs and alcohol sinking deeper into depression... or go to art school and learn how to develop the natural talent I had arrived on the planet with.

But first I would have to get my hands dirty and put in the work. Did I mention I was a single mom during this time raising an 8 and 13 year old?...um yeah. I drove 180 miles daily five days a week for two years just to earn a degree so I could say I was an "official" artist. I finished at the top of my class, too. Geez, I can still hear myself telling my classmates who thought I was an over study-er. "I didn't drive all this way to get a C!" You'd think for all of my effort someone would at least ask to see my certificate, but no, not really. All I was ever asked was show me what you can DO Lorraine.

The theft of my portfolio helped move me toward being the artist I am today... do I want to thank this woman...um no, I wouldn't exactly say that. But, I am thankful I was able to rise above the negativity and move THOUGHT into ACTION. 

We must all understand that life holds a lot of broken bits and pieces. We have storms and trials and we sometimes fall flat on our face. It is how we are able to create something from this that will enable us to love ourselves more. It will help us to feel complete, whole and beautiful.

I continue to use meditation to help me learn more about how I can move THOUGHT into ACTION and you can too. To learn how you can begin to meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day

Mind Shift- Your Ability to Control Your Emotions

Close your eyes and relax. Unclench your jaw, your fists or any areas of tension. Breathe deeply and take a few cleansing breaths. Breathing in all of the beautiful energy of nature and now exhale all the noise and chatter in your head. Float along this current of nothingness. Now allow a thought to take residence in your mind. I can shift my mind to a better place.

The planet around us is struggling to survive. Global warming- sudden shifts in the earth - catastrophic weather patterns all bring their attention to us in a very loud way. Wake up! it seems to shout – Stop ignoring your environment – we are all connected and if we are hurting than you are suffering as well.

We are living in an age of technology that has connected our world in a way that no generation before us has ever seen. This communication can work both for and against us. It can bring encouragement and truthful insight or it can lead to utter chaos. We all like to think of ourselves as strong knowledgeable individuals, and many are, but many of us will follow a fool off a cliff. The only way to actually be led by this is to ignore your own inner voice and allow others to think for you.

For example if we know a storm is coming and we are able to use technology to “best guess” its course we should be able to decide for ourselves (unless we are relying on others because of mental or medical impairments) what the best plan of action should be. Many, many people have lived with the threats of all types of weather throughout the ages as well as the pets and wildlife that have gone before us. Did they have the weather channel, facebook or CNN? No, they simply took the warnings they were given, the necessary precautions and gathered with friends and family to wait out the storm. Many had to leave their homes to find a safe haven and many returned to find their dwellings demolished. We live with unforeseen natural environmental events that will continue long after we part this earth.

No one is advocating that we do not heed a warning. But there must come a time when we listen to our inner voice and “turn off” the hype, because that is what it is – in actual fact it sells advertisement. STAY TUNED…BREAKING NEWS…THIS JUST IN… If you were able to step aside and see how it was commercially packaged and delivered to you, you would see it for what it was, sheer drama which instills fear to make you come back for more. The music – the lighting –the flashing scrolling red text – the newsman strapped to a tree…none very helpful in preparing a community at all. You want to be able to rely on calm rational decisions and not whipped up emotional actions. This is when a mind shift is needed most. If you were trying to assist your children or elderly loved ones how would you approach them- careful and quiet purposeful direction to lead them to safety…or a burst of continued fearful updates?

There are many opportunities to practice this useful mechanism and if we wanted to we could probably fill pages and pages creating a list. Think of some events that you encounter in your daily lives in which you have no control. For example: (and I will only name a few as they can bring you down emotionally just listing them!)

-       Airport hell

-       Dr’s visit…the inner waiting room

-       Traffic jams

-       Unexpected weather…cancellations and loss of power

-       Trip to the Motor Vehicle Office

As we look at these examples we can feel the groans as they drag themselves through our lips. Now place yourself in one of these circumstances. For example you arrive at the Motor Vehicle office and you pull the number 63 and a voice calls out “number 31”. You look about and notice the bleak faces…the room is painted gray and actually looks as if it is getting grayer. But you need this document today and you have to wait. Others grumble and some start talking on their cell phones and you can feel the air thicken with negativity. It hovers about you like a cloud.

By quieting your mind and breathing easily allow your mind to shift. You have complete control of your thoughts, perhaps you were meant to learn something, and perhaps you were meant to use this very moment to understand that you have power over your own emotions. This is YOUR journey and you do not have to get swept along with all of the angry emotions of the people around you. Can you sit and see how unique you are – not better than others – no, just able to distance yourself enough to think upon positive things. Shift your attention and focus to a happy place. Maybe it’s a loved one, maybe it’s a good book or maybe a project you need to work out in your mind before you begin to create it.

This ability to shift your mind can truly remove unnecessary stress in your life. This skill can also help when you feel yourself spinning out of control. When you begin to feel yourself stiffen as a disagreement with someone is about to surface, catch yourself and say “mind-shift”… is this really how I want to respond? Am I prepared to allow all negative emotional energy have its free reign? What will this accomplish? Learn to use this mind shift as a lifeboat giving you safe passage to the calmness that you thrive in. When anger is all around you, don’t allow yourself to be carried in to the debris of negative thoughts. If this means turning off the media – hanging up the phone, than DO it. This especially means you will need to mentally turn off the media - a challenge as it adorns all airports and public places which are unavoidable today. Mentally tune away from the people on their cell phones and yes they even have conversations on the toilet, riding their bikes and even strolling a beach. Use your ability to shift your mind instantly.

Learn to take control of your emotions by adjusting your mind to a positive thought. It may take some practice to remind yourself. Sometimes I hear my spouse saying, “mind shift” as I become agitated and I reply “Mind your own shift” as I huff and puff, but for the most part this small technique has helped our relationship as well as our outlook.

Have you ever found yourself engaging in what started out to be a positive endeavor and the outcome was tears and frustration? Something wonderful and purposeful, and act of kindness shattered into hurt feelings and silence.

If your intention was something for example, “Let’s gather together to help our parents” and others have strong opinions of how this should be achieved, how can you shift your mind to keep the goal in focus? Another example may be joining together to help our children in sports, music, clubs, etc. Others will have their opinions on how the road to achieve this is pursued. Can you allow them to have an opinion in which you do not share? Can you shift your mind to give your assistance to fulfill what your initial intention was... to aid your children? If we begin at home perhaps we can help others nationwide. It is a concept in which we should happily meditate about, as focusing positive thoughts can move mountains.

By keeping this mechanism of your mind active you will begin to find so many ways to use it to your advantage. Some people count to ten… not me, nope too long. I think MIND SHIFT, and I have instant awareness and less wrinkles.

Even if we are that one smiling happy calm person in the storm we can actually make a difference. We can learn to move our anger, which is absorbed, into everyone and everything we encounter and redirect it, finding ways to create positive energy and harmony in our universe. We are all connected – tune in and take control over the uncontrollable events and you will be stepping toward a brighter future.

I have been given this MIND SHIFT information through the practice of meditation. To learn how you can meditate all on your own without any CDs  for FREE please click. 

Man Made Hell = Man Made Fear Conclusion

continued...

The Down And Dirty Church was the last one I attended. It was a place filled with broken people, some fighting addiction and others just sick of the other churches on the menu. This wasn't a church my parents would have understood at all. There were no pews anywhere...only round tables with tattered people drinking coffee and sharing their troubles. Some were dressed in their finest and some were homeless and rarely bathed. It didn't matter to anyone what they looked like... they all blended together. I was humbled by the many acts of kindness I witnessed and yet I still remember the frustration of the pastor as he stood speaking to the people regarding the war in Iraq. He said "People wake up, don't you realize that there are mothers and fathers of our enemies that are praying to God as well to save their children from our armies? Don't you get it? God is not American and he isn't a democrat nor a republican." The people shook their heads, as this was too hard to fathom. How could God not answer our prayers and save our children? God was a Christian after all and of course He was pulling for our side…wasn’t He?

As a freelance artist I worked for many clients. In 2004 the local Jewish Community Center hired me part time creating brochures, logos and some ads. The phone rang again and suddenly I was working for a magazine called the Friends of Israel, it was a Christian magazine that was started in the 1940's to fight anti-Semitism. So, oddly enough I found my week split between these two dynamic passionate organizations. It was through this connection that I was able to arrange a meeting and they actually sat down together (unheard of in my neck of the woods) to share ideas on how they could work together. Funny, looking back at this I remember feeling as if I was some sort of ambassador - for people rather than doctrine. And then to my surprise the Jewish leaders sent me to Israel to work as an artist with their sister organization teaching them my graphic skills. Nineteen people of Jewish faith and me...the un-Jew. The leader of the organization I was attending with, asked me to lead Shabbat on the southern part of the wall in Jerusalem. Huh? I asked, hello I'm not a Rabbi and by the way I'm a woman...why me? "Because you are the most spiritual," he said. He got this impression most likely because the touring bus we were riding in would often hear me cry out “Hang on, we need to make a pit stop…Jesus did a miracle over there.” This of course made them think I was a Jesus Freak and I explained to them that my faith in God was not a religion I followed but actually just my way of life. I tried to spread that light wherever I went.  I continued in my hope that men would see past their dogmatic beliefs in their personal views of who or what God was and just learn to truly help one another. I quit the church and watched many friendships evaporate almost instantly. I am still a bit surprised by this. All of their preaching about God is love and love thy neighbor only to be tossed aside like stale wine. All of their talk of helping their communities while they pushed for bigger recreation facilities for their church members. All their talk of unemployment rising as they organized ski trips and fancy social gatherings. Incredible yet very true and still continuing.
I then walked with uncertainty...would God punish me? Would I now be counted with all of those poor sinners that were going to hell? I was taught since birth that I was born with sin and needed the blood of Jesus to wash me clean in order to be accepted by God. But now I was naked and I no longer prayed to the big J. He seemed to me a man that some powerful people put up front as a deity to make themselves more worthy than others.

Soon after my trip to Israel I developed a severe pain in my right leg. I went to many specialists and it grew worse. Two years went by and still the pain remained. On the off chance that some herbal hippie might be able to help me, I attended a symposium in northern California. Unknowingly, this was my first step toward breaking free of a belief system that had imprisoned me since birth. Something happened to me there that is still hard to explain. Let's just say I met a woman who gave me an energy massage that opened my eyes to looking deeper within. She spoke of seeing my aura, my guides and how strong I was spiritually. Um...yeah, sure right. She told me I was to ask the voice within to lead me to learn how to connect with my higher conscious and that it would all be told to me. This sounded like gypsy talk to me and I smiled and left her little tent thinking she was probably high on weed. She said she had spoken with my guides and that I was a very strong healer. Yeah? Well then why the hell was my leg racked with chronic pain? Healer... me? Maybe she didn't dial in the stars and line up the moons correctly... or maybe one of her crystals had a crack in it.

Two months later the pain had miraculously vanished and I was meditating daily. I started to listen and tune in and I became aware that a tiny voice that I had thought was just random had actually been with me as a small child. When life was hard and my parents were fighting I used to go to my special thinking spot and this voice comforted me. Years later when I was in an abusive relationship this voice helped to lead me to safety. I never gave it much attention; it was just always there. 

Through meditation I was able to understand who these guides were and now I ask and receive amazing insight.  I have learned that God is not an entity in human form. God IS. Lord IS. Source IS. All of this is not for one country or one species. We are ALL connected in this love of IS. Every blade of grass, every mountain, every grain of sand and every drop of water IS a part of this and every time I look into the eyes of my pet I am looking into the eyes of God or whatever you call Source. And every time I look into the mirror I am seeing a part of IS, wow, that alone would have rocked the church into burning me at the stake most likely…and in New Jersey too!   

I was able to break free from the rules and regulations and words all written by man and seek this connection to the Spirits that walk beside me. No heaven or hell to fear only love and truth in knowing life is eternal. Yes, I have been visited many times by those that have crossed over (including my family and loved ones) and each time I am left with a morsel of realization. This connection to my higher conscious has allowed me to love myself in a way I have never experienced. I am worthy, I am beautiful and I have so much love to give to others.

For the many, many people that continue in their religious quest I take nothing away from that and I do not wish to have you think I have negativity towards you. Each of us has our own journey. For me I no longer live in fear of a man made deity that will smite me if I do not keep in step. I will continue to try and spread this love of myself to the planet around me. My connection to the spirit world is not new, I have always known that I would not die. I understood at a very young age that my physical self would expire yet my spirit would continue. Thoughts are... after all... LIVING THINGS. I got a little confused when I started to listen to the teachings and writings of a world where fear was used to control my thoughts and make others more powerful- after all they use our energy to make themselves greater. But that is in the past and I am able to give my energy to a planet that is crying out to all. It is through this connection to IS that I am able to move easily toward fulfilling my passion of purpose. Every day is a new challenge and every day I face a new understanding. I am so thankful I was able to escape from the man made hell and release myself from the fear that kept me from truly finding the love that awaits all of us...and it starts within.

Yes, I took a slight detour from my meditation experiences, but since most of this writing came through while meditating I wanted to bring it into the light:)
To learn how you can meditate without any CD's or guides please read Meditate for FREE

Man Made Hell=Man Made Fear Part 3

 

continued...
The Blue Hair Church was the next church I attended. This is what my father referred to as a “bible banging” church. It was here where I first encountered all of these people who seemed to speak “Bible Lingo.” I found myself among this group, who at first seemed very friendly, sending sympathetic looks my way, as I had not learned their language. I was a Bible Lingo illiterate…you know those phrases like “If thou dost not” and “what has thou done?” followed very quickly by Isaiah this or second Timothy that. I, of course didn’t know who the first Timothy was let alone all of the others. And here I stood among tiny children skipping past me repeating verses upon verses as if they were singing Mary had a little lamb.

The Blue Haired Church encouraged their people to be in the church constantly… doing all kinds of good deeds and memorizing the book of rules. All this activity kept me away from my family and friends and it seemed that a new family replaced them. They were always talking about the pitfalls of displeasing God. It left me uncomfortable and anxious. A growing feeling that I wasn’t good enough was born—somehow, I was always a step behind and felt unworthy. I left this church the day I walked into their business meeting and overheard them discussing my husband, the father of my infant daughter. After a private tearful counseling session with my pastor, that I thought would be kept confidential, the congregation learned that my husband was having an affair with his secretary. I quietly walked into a church business meeting only to overhear The Blue Hairs discussing my marriage and how they needed to revoke my husband’s church membership. I quietly slipped out the door and into my divorce lawyer’s office.

Many years later, still not very trustful of any church, I felt an urging to teach my children about God and began attending the Q-Tip Church. Most looked like they had heads of white cotton swabs. They made weak attempts to include children with a 5-minute Greeting-of the-Children-Session. The preacher would ask the children if they had anything to say. My 3-year-old son’s hand always shot up as I slithered down in my seat, cringing, as he would recall something I said or did. The congregation counted him a favorite storyteller as he would stand and speak loudly… “Yesterday, when my mom was fighting with my sister I saw a bunny hop up on our porch.”
This experience didn’t last very long. The people believed children should be seen and not heard and as I looked around I realized there were more funerals then baby baptisms and so I took it as a sign to exit.

The Napoleon Church was an experience that still seems surreal to me. It was led by a guy who sought after fame while pretending to seek after God. It was a little church that always wanted to be bigger. I spoke out about the inconsistencies I saw and was told several times that women were not supposed to speak. I asked to lead a teen’s music program as they were seeking leaders to volunteer. I was told that I could hold a leading position that was unseen like video editing, but NOT where the people could witness a woman leading. I was actually sent (they jetted me from coast to coast) to attend a mega church that looked more like a Disney theme park than a sanctuary. Their congregation amounted to 13,000 people. I was asked to study their artwork as a model for classrooms. The mega church had a gift shop filled with media all authored by their leader. Napoleon the Preacher looked around and said this is exactly what he wanted.
I said “What rows and rows of books with your photo on the cover? I thought that God was supposed to be the center of attention.”
I was a member of the Napoleon Church’s version of a Christian rock band often singing lead vocals. I organized a group concert at a local baseball stadium joining together with 9 other Christian bands from area churches. The admission would benefit a local rescue mission helping the homeless. I spent many hours organizing this event as it was the first of its kind in our area. Some of the members in my band could not afford the admission price and the baseball stadium was firm... no ticket, no entry…and I was the organizer of the event! Each band was given 10 free tickets. I had 13 members in our band. I went to have a meeting with Napoleon himself over this dilemma and this was his reply.
“Those free tickets need to cover myself and my 3 children, and other members of our staff.”
“So…let me get this straight," I said, “the band has to pay to perform in a concert I organized to help for the homeless?”
People had no food or shelter. I tried to do what I thought God had called me to do and I was confused knowing the people of the Napoleon Church were truly missing the point. As I addressed this with others I was immediately ostracized and I left this bad dream and moved on.
...conclusion in the next blog
Yes, I took a slight detour from my meditation experiences, but since most of this writing came through while meditating I wanted to bring it into the light:)
To learn how you can meditate without any CD's or guides please read Meditate for FREE

Man Made Hell=Man Made Fear Part 2

 

A comic strip from 1989 that reminded me that often man is behind all of the fear.

Continued ...
The Big Hats and White Gloves Church was a few blocks from our home. My father only ever went there for weddings and funerals. My mother seemed to approach it anxiously and sporadically and I always got the impression it made her unhappy. I went to this church until I was seventeen. My favorite part about going was the juice and pretzels. They had sugary red kool-aid that stained your lips and long pretzel logs loaded with salt. I don’t remember a lot of what they taught me. I know I fidgeted a lot and skipped through puddles on my way home with my mind racing ahead to a day of no more school. As I grew into my teens my mother scolded me about the dresses I wore since short skirts and wearing pants apparently angered God, and since it was his house there was that constant threat of smiting and being struck by lightening.

The Pot Luck Dinner Church was the first time I ventured away from the place my parents sent me. I was living in the 70’s. I had escaped my unhappiness with myself and my home life with some help from my friends – Pot, Grass and Weed. Some shady characters seemed to linger on the outskirts and I felt it was only a matter of time when I would get caught. I’m not sure what I thought was worse – facing my mom’s wrath or God’s…so I said goodbye to my hazy days of marijuana and decided to face my misery straight. My parent’s seemed to fight constantly and I didn’t see anything good in my life. I was unhappy with my looks, I was a very poor student and now I was facing the real world with clear yet tearful eyes. I actually began to think of ways to end my life. Looking back I realize now I was a troubled teen who needed some intervention. But, I didn’t trust adults and so I shared my thoughts of suicide with a friend. I told him exactly how I would do it. I was going to climb to the highest point in my city. That was the top of the high school bleachers. I would sit facing the athletic field on the top edge and then when I was ready I would just let myself fall backward. This would be over quickly and all my troubles would be over.
“Wait” he said, throwing a monkey wrench into my plans. “What if you fall and become paralyzed and you can never take care of yourself and your stuck home forever with your parents?”
Oh geez…this would truly be worse than death I thought.
“I have a plan,” he said. “I know some people who can help you. Just trust me and I will take you to meet them.”
All the way there we rode in silence. I was miserable and I thought he had found some special people who could help me. He pulled into the parking lot of the Pot Luck Dinner Church and I was not happy. He silenced me with a look and led me to a seat among people who seemed to be smiling too hard. Who knows, I thought, maybe they had some underground runaway teen program that would help get me away from my parents. I decided to sit up straight and find out what this guy in the black robe had to say. This guy was what my father referred to as a “fire and brimstone” preacher. I had heard this expression, but I had never seen it in action. He gave a message that revolved around our being unhappy with our earthly parents. My ears perked up. He told a story of how God created a man named Adam and that because Adam ate from the fruit that was forbidden he brought sin into the world. Now all of the offspring from that point on all were born with sin covering them and would all go straight to hell and burn forever. Yeah, yeah…more burning…this was not new to me. He went on to say that God left a clause in the deal…he would send his son… and if you accepted him as your heavenly father then you would get a free ticket into heaven. Well, this seemed way too simple. But I liked the part about forgetting about the earthly father and concentrating on the heavenly invisible one. And so that’s when I said my prayer. It was later during milk and cookie time when the guy in the robe informed me that I was now a shoe-in for heaven. I didn’t realize when I said that prayer that my life would change so drastically…but it did. To be continued...Part 3

Yes, I took a slight detour from my meditation experiences, but since most of this writing came through while meditating I wanted to bring it into the light:)
To learn how you can meditate without any CD's or guides please read Meditate for FREE.