Alone Following a Break-Up

I never thought I would find myself alone, after all I was born into a overcrowded family and married at the age of 18… having personal space was a luxury. But that marriage dissolved and my inability to be alone probably counts for the many unsuccessful relationships that followed. Oh sure, there were many other reasons and I don't mean to be glib about this, but the truth of the matter is that I did NOT know how to love myself– let alone others. And so in the year 2007 I did something that made a lot of people think I was crazy...I hit the RESET button and said NO MORE.

It wasn't like I woke up one day and said, hey Lorraine you need to love yourself. No, it was more like a feeling of emptiness. Something off, something missing and it was very deep. By this stage of my life I had raised three children and was now a grandparent. I had lived a role for others and in doing so, lost a bit of me. How? Aren't we supposed to be dutiful parents and give ourselves 24 hours a day to the needs of our offspring? And what about our grown parents, are we not supposed to drop everything and care for them as they become more needy? This is the the correct path, so why wasn't I happy? I adored my children and had a warm, loving relationship with my parents (they are both now in spirit). But I spent years battling insomnia and depression, and to be quite honest I was hoping some mornings I would just leave and go quietly into the spirit world... but that was then.

Hitting the reset button helped me to discover self-love. It wasn't easy contacting the lawyer and starting the divorce procedure, telling my kids I needed to start fresh, or telling my aging mother that I would call when I was settled. But you know what…it was pretty easy to quit my high-paying job, and swap all of my jewelry for cash. Yes, that part felt right, it felt solid, it felt like a huge GREEN LIGHT!

And so at the age of 52 I was finally alone. I drove 1400 miles to Key West, FL and found a tiny space I could barely afford. I came with the items I could stuff into my tiny car. No furniture, no pots or pans, no linen…just my laptop, art supplies and some summer clothes and flip-flops.

Bedroom/art studio

My new job paid me about the same hourly rate I earned in 1973 and let me tell you, it was day to day, penny to penny living. My furniture came from trash picks and yard sales. But little by little my tiny space began to feel like a palace. I was learning the importance of silence. I was learning what made me uncomfortable, happy, irritable, excited, bored… I was learning who Lorraine the person was. Not the mother, daughter, sister or friend person I had been, but the bubbling energetic child that had been squashed for a long time. I want to make it very clear that I hold no ill feelings or blame anyone, I am merely stating a fact that I was NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF.

My perfect tiny space

As I began spending time alone I found there were bits and pieces of me that I either wanted to examine further or discard. But how…where do you begin? It was then that I discovered the magic of being alone. At first it felt lonely, and I was wondering if I had traded my insomnia for a new zip code. I now had a new problem, I was afraid of the dark and every bump in the night. Florida had geckos, eww, creepy little things that crawled into every crevice. I DON'T DO CREEPY THINGS! I came from a quiet suburban neighborhood with squirrels and blue jays. Now I had to dodge iguanas and don't even get me started about the Key West chickens, they are as common as palm trees crowing every time someone turns a light on. So how alone was I exactly?
to be continued... Part 2

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To learn about meditation please read Meditation Mojo
Art for a cause.

Spirit Horses Sound the Alarm

                    

I live in a world of flip-flops and palm trees – no wild horses. I didn't even know they still existed. But I came to learn about them in the most bizarre way—through daily meditation. I began seeing images of horses running over fields of calico fabric. Vivid patchwork mountains appeared as I flew over them. This continued until one day I saw three horses rendered in my own painting style standing on a hill. Who were these calico-covered horses and why did they appear to me? The final patchwork meditation gave me the answer. I was given a very clear message by these beautiful creatures: “We want you to tell our story”…and so I did.

In researching the novel Calico Horses and the Patchwork Trail , I learned about the plight of the wild horses named after the colorful Calico Mountains located in Nevada. I added many elements to the story from personal experiences, such as when years ago I had to make the tough decision to relocate and uproot my children. As I learned about the mustangs and burros being stripped of their freedom I saw the truth in the powerful statement my three year old told me at the time I moved her from everything she knew: “Nobody asked me.”

This is the story of how Carrie, a girl ripped apart by divorce, helps the wild mustangs torn from the range. Together they face uncertainties brought on by the decisions of others. There is a strong element of magic realism throughout: is she a budding horse whisperer or is her troubled mind playing tricks on her?

In the book Carrie’s dreams are actually taken from my meditation journal. Here is an excerpt from Calico Horses and the Patchwork Trail.

Sunday June 29^th:

I had another dream of rolling hills of fabric. It all began with those same lights flickering on sparkling water. Then I was looking down at the patterned lands that were made of patches of varying colors. I felt as if I were flying as I soared overhead. The hills had valleys and I dipped down into them as I looked all around me at the many colors of blue, pink, green, lavender, and gold. Then a black, misty fog covered the hills and all went dark. The darkness slowly became un-foggy as if the sun was beginning to rise. Black hills appeared and three horses were standing on the ridge. They were pawing the ground and I heard them snorting as they swished their tails. They were real horses but they were covered in patches of fabric. As I looked closely I could see that they were each made of the same swatches I had seen on the hills. Three beautiful horses covered in calico fabric. And then I woke.

* * * * *

As a meditation instructor and motivational speaker I encourage readers to move their thoughts into action. I will be offering Equine Water Color Workshops throughout the country, donating my services to help where I can. I hope this book touches the hearts of all who read. May it continue to raise awareness about the plight of all the wild horses and burros struggling for survival.

Calico Horses and the Patchwork Trail a young adult novel by Lorraine Turner.

To learn how you can meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day

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I am a Professional Animal Communicator, I can speak with your animals! learn more

Mediumship is NOT a Fast Food Pick Up

Can a gift of mediumship really be that simple? Are we truly living in an age where anyone can zip into a metaphysical shop, throw down some cash, purchase the "flavor of the month" oracle cards and speed back home to charge for a "reading"?
Why is there a surge of popularity in becoming a medium? Is it because paranormal exploration is a popular genre among tv audiences? Is it because the desire to join spiritualist churches and circles is becoming a common practice? Is it a desire for entertainment? It would be an interesting poll to take among this vast community of medium wanna-bees. It's not my intention to ridicule anyone's journey, I am just stating questions that seem to pop up again and again.

There are two things that jump out at me as I ponder this subject. The first is the incredible shift that is occurring in mainstream society to accept this communication with afterlife as TRUTH. How fantastic that we are no longer shunning people, labeling them as satanic creatures and worse yet burning them at the stake. We should applaud this open attitude and be thankful for the progress.

The second is the misconception that mediumship is something we can just "dial up" instantly. Countless seminars and workshops somehow make people think if they put in the right amount of attendance (paying fees to others soaking up their energy) will make them a channel or communicator for the spiritworld. Maybe it does. It is a matter for them to decide. I have witnessed the frustration within groups of the ones not able to "do it" as if it is something that is learned overnight. Desire is not going to make anyone a medium. Just because a person wants to be clairvoyant or a deep trance medium does NOT make this happen. Many of us simply do NOT have this ability. We can certainly develop our connection and strengthen our intuition and work very smoothly in our gifts assisting others.

If we could take time to stop, pause and reflect we may halt all of the trying and just accept what our role is on this planet. I do not claim to have the answer, but I know who does…YOU. Yes, just like Dorothy and her ruby slippers you have always had this knowledge. It lies within you. Your loving intention to develop your gifts in the sequence of time needed for YOU is what brings awareness. Understanding that no amount of workshops, angel certifications, cards, runes, or crystals is going to zap you with the ability to be a medium is one of the first steps. I am not saying we cannot use tools as they are of great assistance. It's much like a carpenter – first in learning the steps of how to build, then using a hammer to help achieve the goal. Recognize them simply as supplemental elements in connecting with higher conscious and the ether-world.

Frustration, anger or negative thoughts have no place in spiritual development. This will definitely hold you back. Ego can be a huge obstacle along your journey. Be sure to ask yourself often. What is my purpose in gaining this knowledge? What am I seeking? Is it for the highest good of myself, others and the universe? By setting your intention to develop in this manner you will be able to slow down and accept the guidance offered from within. Yes, we have loads of wonderful teachers all around us, but some are not physical and have a treasure chest of knowledge waiting for you.

Development takes many years. It takes a devotion and commitment in helping others. You will truly begin to see a change in your journey as you slow down and reflect. Examine all of your heart's questions and look within. This looking within can be greatly assisted with meditation and clicking your heels 3 times may not hurt...

To learn how you can meditate please read my book Sæ-sii Meditation: How to Find Your Bliss in 15 Minutes a Day

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I want to thank Helen DaVita for her excellent article The Rate of Mediumship Development 
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I am a Professional Animal Communicator learn more.