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Monday, January 16, 2012

Man Made Hell=Man Made Fear Part 2

 
A comic strip from 1989 that reminded me that often man is behind all of the fear.
Continued ...
The Big Hats and White Gloves Church was a few blocks from our home. My father only ever went there for weddings and funerals. My mother seemed to approach it anxiously and sporadically and I always got the impression it made her unhappy. I went to this church until I was seventeen. My favorite part about going was the juice and pretzels. They had sugary red kool-aid that stained your lips and long pretzel logs loaded with salt. I don’t remember a lot of what they taught me. I know I fidgeted a lot and skipped through puddles on my way home with my mind racing ahead to a day of no more school. As I grew into my teens my mother scolded me about the dresses I wore since short skirts and wearing pants apparently angered God, and since it was his house there was that constant threat of smiting and being struck by lightening.
The Pot Luck Dinner Church was the first time I ventured away from the place my parents sent me. I was living in the 70’s. I had escaped my unhappiness with myself and my home life with some help from my friends – Pot, Grass and Weed. Some shady characters seemed to linger on the outskirts and I felt it was only a matter of time when I would get caught. I’m not sure what I thought was worse – facing my mom’s wrath or God’s…so I said goodbye to my hazy days of marijuana and decided to face my misery straight. My parent’s seemed to fight constantly and I didn’t see anything good in my life. I was unhappy with my looks, I was a very poor student and now I was facing the real world with clear yet tearful eyes. I actually began to think of ways to end my life. Looking back I realize now I was a troubled teen who needed some intervention. But, I didn’t trust adults and so I shared my thoughts of suicide with a friend. I told him exactly how I would do it. I was going to climb to the highest point in my city. That was the top of the high school bleachers. I would sit facing the athletic field on the top edge and then when I was ready I would just let myself fall backward. This would be over quickly and all my troubles would be over.
“Wait” he said, throwing a monkey wrench into my plans. “What if you fall and become paralyzed and you can never take care of yourself and your stuck home forever with your parents?”
Oh geez…this would truly be worse than death I thought.
“I have a plan,” he said. “I know some people who can help you. Just trust me and I will take you to meet them.”
All the way there we rode in silence. I was miserable and I thought he had found some special people who could help me. He pulled into the parking lot of the Pot Luck Dinner Church and I was not happy. He silenced me with a look and led me to a seat among people who seemed to be smiling too hard. Who knows, I thought, maybe they had some underground runaway teen program that would help get me away from my parents. I decided to sit up straight and find out what this guy in the black robe had to say. This guy was what my father referred to as a “fire and brimstone” preacher. I had heard this expression, but I had never seen it in action. He gave a message that revolved around our being unhappy with our earthly parents. My ears perked up. He told a story of how God created a man named Adam and that because Adam ate from the fruit that was forbidden he brought sin into the world. Now all of the offspring from that point on all were born with sin covering them and would all go straight to hell and burn forever. Yeah, yeah…more burning…this was not new to me. He went on to say that God left a clause in the deal…he would send his son… and if you accepted him as your heavenly father then you would get a free ticket into heaven. Well, this seemed way too simple. But I liked the part about forgetting about the earthly father and concentrating on the heavenly invisible one. And so that’s when I said my prayer. It was later during milk and cookie time when the guy in the robe informed me that I was now a shoe-in for heaven. I didn’t realize when I said that prayer that my life would change so drastically…but it did. To be continued...Part 3

Yes, I took a slight detour from my meditation experiences, but since most of this writing came through while meditating I wanted to bring it into the light:)
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